The past few weeks have been a little depressing really, my motivation to do anything has been pretty minimal. Due to self confidence being a bummer, but it's okay. I think i have finally decided what kind of actions i will be taking to make me feel better. Two weeks of suicidal thoughts, are behind me now. Or as behind as they can be. Sometimes, you feel like you have come to a dead end in life, but i just got to remember that i am not super human and doing things slowly and one at a time isn't a bad thing. I just need to remember that everything i do in this world is just an experience, it really is just an experience. Why does it matter if you are good or not? If you enjoy something, just do it as best as you can, and if it makes you happy. Then that's all that matters right? I think it's important to know when to move on from things when it isn't making you happy too, i think that can be the harder part in life. When you finally say no. The word no comes easier to some people. Others, (like me) it does not. I always felt that i needed to help people as much as possible, to be able to give all of me in a situation. But, at what cost? I just end up going home, drained, tired, and crying in public where everyone is totally awkward around you. But i can't help it. I am an emotional being. Those bus people have just gotta suck in those sexy tears. I think i need to be more selfish, when you try to be nice, people tend to take advantage of that and fuck your own feelings to the ground. Because they feel that it's okay. That i am able to take it. Because i am 'nice'. Maybe, you just don't be an advantage taking prick, then we all will be better off in this world. hmmm, sometimes it is good to vent.
In good and positive news, i have decided to create a new social art group for around Peterborough, to be able to get a few people together and chat, make friends, share ideas and drink tea till our blood turns in to caffeine. I think art is a powerful social tool, it's a talking point, it should bring people together. That is what i want to do, and at the end of our project i want to be able to showcase our beautiful work. Undescrimitive and fun. I think selfishly i am doing this really for me, to meet new people and for something to look forward too.